A Norvell Note – Page 26 – Thoughts and reflections on God, life, people, and living as a follower of Jesus.

Words That Build and Benefit

Vol. 21 No. 32 | August 12, 2019

Each week, when I sit down at my computer to write, I try to remind myself of these words:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)

I’ve never had a problem with using “bad” language (Around other people, that is, alone in my car is a whole different story). But I do have to work to keep my critical and judgmental comments in check, so I often repeat this prayer:

Lord, give me words that are helpful for building others up according to their needs and will benefit those who listen.

Lately, it feels like words that “build up and benefit” are in short supply, doesn’t it? Instead, words meant to demoralize, vilify, and dehumanize seem to be the norm. I fear too many people have become fluent in a common language that incites hatred, rage, and violence, and I believe it’s killing us- body, mind, and spirit.

Let’s do our part to change this. Let’s make a commitment to be intentional with one of the most powerful resources we have: our words and the ability to build others up according to their needs [and] benefit those who listen.

Here’s a useful tip that helps me:

When you read a comment on a social media page that makes you want to take a hammer to your computer screen, go ahead and respond: type exactly what you’re thinking and feeling, but DO NOT SEND IT! Copy and paste it somewhere safe and walk away. Wait a few hours (24 is best) and read it again. Then ask yourself these two questions: Does it build up the person according to their needs? Is it going to benefit those who see it?

Sometimes the person on the receiving end needs to be confronted, and you may be just the person to do it. But, you may not. Let your words marinate for a while before you hurl them out into the world for all to see, permanently.

It’s sometimes too easy to be negative, to judge and criticize. And it’s sometimes very challenging to keep things on a positive track. But when you’re in a group setting and the conversation starts to turn in a negative direction – whether about politics, religion, politics in religion, or how much milk costs – say something to shift the conversation to a more positive tone.

Because, when we choose to use language that helps and heals, we’re not only benefiting others, we’re demonstrating wisdom, kindness, and courage. But when we choose words that hurt and demoralize, we are inflicting pain on others and proving we’re weak-minded, cruel, and insecure.

And trust me, you’ll be much more popular and appreciated making people feel better and the room feel brighter.

So that’s my challenge for the week: share words that build others up according to their needs [and] benefit those who listen.

Remember, you have the power to lift others up, and by doing so, you too, will rise.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

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Taking My Hands Off the Wheel

Vol. 21 No. 31 | August 5, 2019

We were cruising up the freeway when a silver Tesla pulled up beside us. I noticed his hands weren’t on the steering wheel, even when we started moving again. I watched as the car followed the curves of the road, changing lanes and adjusting speed as needed. But the driver never touched the wheel.

The car finally exited the freeway and quickly disappeared. We drove on, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the car.

I thought about how amazing technology is, and how it also kind of freaked me out. I’m not sure if I could do it, give up control and trust I would be safe.”

I somehow doubt I will ever have a self-driving car that forces me to trust technology. But I do know I make decisions whether to trust or not several times a day.

When I go to a restaurant, I trust the people preparing and serving my food have followed proper regulations to assure my food is safe to eat.

When my mechanic tells me not to worry, he will take care of everything, I have faith that he knows what he’s doing and he will take care of everything.

I trust the doctor when he or she tells me what I need to do to maintain good health.

When I deposit money in the bank, I trust that it will be in my account the next time I use my debit card.

When I say goodbye to my wife, children, and grand-girls. I trust they will be well, and I will see them again.

We all have to trust people and things like technology, don’t we? Even those who struggle with trust, have to on some level.

There are times when I also struggle with giving up control. It makes me uncomfortable when I sense the Lord is asking me to let Him drive. What if He drives faster or slower than I want to go, or misses a turn, or doesn’t stop when I want Him to?

These are the times when I have to remind myself of His promises and remember, He can be trusted.

Take delight in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him and He will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun. (Psalm 37:4-6, NIV)

Don’t be surprised if this week, you may hear the Lord say, “Let go of the wheel, I’ve got you. I know the future is uncertain and you’re afraid, but I’ve got you. Trust me.”

If you need help responding to the Lord when you hear Him, the words from this old song might help.

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all (Israel Houghton)

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

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Standing At a Crossroad

Vol. 21 No. 30 | July 29, 2019

I sat down to watch TV with my wife just as the movie Cast Away was starting. As soon as I heard the soundtrack, I felt the same emotions I had the first time I saw Tom Hank’s amazing performance. As I watched his character, Noland, attempt to find relief from his desperation, I felt anxious, confused, frustrated, and disappointed. I couldn’t help but think how futile it all seemed.

Those emotions felt so real because, although I have never been trapped on a deserted island, I have lived through times of anxiety, frustration, disappointment, and futility.

I remember waking up in a cold, dark room in a small Ukrainian village realizing I was seriously ill. I found out 5 days later that I had an adult version of Chicken Pox. But during those first 5 days, the isolation and uncertainty I felt made me wonder if my end had come.

I remember the utter horror and futility I felt when our house caught on fire. My two neighbors and I stood in the cold watching my house engulfed in flames as the firemen tried to save as much of it as they could.

I remember the frustration and helplessness I felt when I couldn’t fix someone’s problem, improve a church situation, help a couple desperate to fix their marriage or give hope to a man who was paralyzed by depression and wanted to die.

Those are just a few experiences that came to my mind as I watched Noland try to survive four years marooned on an island, only to return home and discover his former life no longer existed.

But in the final scene, Noland arrives at a crossroad, and his desperate situation is transformed into one of opportunity and hope. He has a choice- he can be a victim of his circumstance, or he can face them with courage and forge on.

We know that feeling too, don’t we? Before, during, and after times of confusion and futility, we stand at a crossroad that could permanently change the course of our lives.

So what will we make of this day? Will we take the opportunity to offer a word of encouragement to someone in need, or will we find the courage to seek out the encouragement we need from someone else? Will we live this day to please God, or will we choose to focus on our own pleasure instead?

I am confident and grateful that God is with me at each crossroad, reminding me of His presence, listening to my concerns, and assuring me that, whichever road I choose, He will be with me.

We don’t know what this week will bring. We may experience feelings of desperation and isolation. And we may be faced with disappointment and futility.

All we can do is make a choice- be victims of our circumstances or face them with courage and forge on.

My prayer for you this week is that you face the day, or even just the next hour, with courage and as much joy you can, allowing God to walk with you and light your path.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Click here to order Until Hope Returns.

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For the Unseen Heros

Vol. 21 No. 29 | July 22, 2019

How do they do it? What compels them to go without sleep, sacrifice their time, and go the extra mile? What keeps them from throwing in the towel?

The police officer who is constantly scrutinized and criticized by the public.

The single parent who sacrifices everything for his or her kids.

The divorced man or woman who gets up alone and goes to bed alone every night.

The broken-hearted lovers who feel a pain as relentless and it is unbearable.

The middle-aged man who realizes his life-long dream is never going to happen.

The teacher who is overworked, underpaid, and disrespected.

The small business owner who continues to scrape by, struggling to keep the doors open and hoping to make it to the end of another year.

The ones who are oppressed because of their gender, skin color, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, or for just being different from the status quo.

How do they do it? How do they keep going?

I see them, am amazed by them, and want to be more like them.

I don’t know if they believe in Him or share His beliefs and convictions. But when I watch these people, I cannot help but see Jesus in them, reminding me of His words:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Luke 4:18-19, NIV)

Like Jesus, these people understand who they are and why they’re here. They are determined to forge on, to fulfill their purpose, no matter the cost.

Or maybe they haven’t figured out who they are or why they are here, but they still choose to live authentically, with conviction, integrity, love, and compassion.

To all of these people who live with such courage and grace, thank you. You are seen, admired, loved, and respected.

May I be a mirror so you can see all that you are, may you accept all that you are, and may you thrive.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Click here to order Until Hope Returns.

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Pancakes & Strawberry Popsicles

Vol. 21 No. 28 | July 15, 2019

Our oldest granddaughter, Isabel, is on her way home after spending the past week with us. Although she has stayed with us before, it was always with her parents. This was the first time she would be spending an entire week with us by herself and her first time away from home for this long. It was also the first time we would be spending an entire week alone with one of our grandchildren.

I think we were all a bit nervous. What if she got homesick, or worse, physically sick? What if she asked for something we can’t allow? What if something happens to her while she’s with us? How will she do when she wakes up and her parents are gone?

But we were also excited and planned a week packed full of activities- pancakes and strawberry popsicles, sleeping on the sofa, sleeping in a fort, spending the night with cousin Norah, a trip to the donut shop, a trip to Aunt Laura’s shop, swimming, watching movies, eating watermelon, ordering pizza, burgers on the grill, a trip to the mall, more swimming, camping in the backyard (which was abandoned for an air-conditioned room without the flies), FaceTime with the family (that included lots of laughter and some moments trying to hold back tears), more swimming, and more pancakes.

We got through the week with only some minor hiccups- a couple of cousin squabbles; a few gentle reminders that “We don’t do that.” Constant requests for a snack, followed by and an equal amount of “I’m still hungry.”

But, thanks to her dad, who had packed a bag of “just in case” items, there were no complaints about being bored.

As the week comes to an end, the memories are already filling up my mind, along with hopes for the future…

I hope the silence in our home from the absence of little voices and laughter won’t be too deafening.

I hope the memories made this week will be the first of many. And I hope they will continue even when she grows up and prefers spending time with her friends over visiting Papa and Yei-Yei.

I hope that she will always know that we love her more than she will be able to understand until she has a grandchild of her own.

I hope I’ll never forget the look on her face when she stepped off the subway at her stop, inhaled deeply, and said, “Mmmmm. That smells good.”

And I hope our home will always be a place she wants to come back to, a place she knows she will find love, joy, peace, pancakes and strawberry popsicles.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Click here to order Until Hope Returns.

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A When-Will-This-Happen-Again Event

Vol. 21 No. 27 | July 8, 2019

It was one of those “when-will-this-happen-again” family events.

Scheduled around the 4^th of July, we were able to get my two brothers and our spouses; our four sons and one daughter and their spouses; and our thirteen grandchildren, all together in one room.

It took a good amount of effort to schedule, time and money to travel, and gracious hospitality. But it was worth it. For a few hours we were all together for good food, heartfelt conversations, and fellowship of the richest kind.

I came away with these reflections.

Family gatherings take effort. A few weeks earlier, none of us would have thought a gathering like this was even possible. But someone had the idea, shared it with the rest of us, and everyone agreed to make it happen.

Modern technology and transportation offer us opportunities and adventures that make it easy to keep in close contact with our loved ones. But to be face-to-face with them requires intentional action.

Time passes quickly. Some of us had not seen each other in years, and some of the children are almost unrecognizable compared to the younger images that were etched in our minds. It’s feasible that some of them will be adults and have children before we see them again. Time passes quickly and we have to take advantage of these opportunities when we have them.

Family gatherings also remind us of those who are missing. We try not to dampen the spirit of being together or drift into nostalgic melancholy, but it is difficult to avoid. As I watched our children and grand-girls interact with my siblings’ children and grandchildren, I could not help but think that our sister would have enjoyed this. I also thought of my parents and wondered if they had any idea what would evolve out of their union so many years ago.

I love my family. I have been blessed by my family. Memories like we created this weekend motivate me to live in a way that reflects the values and traditions of our family. I realize that not everyone is as fortunate as I am to have grown up with and enjoy the family I have.

I also know, for those who don’t have a close family, that it may not be too late. I believe it is possible to develop and nurture your own healthy, happy family if you are intentional and invest in doing what it takes to cultivate one.

This is my hope, that one day you will see your family flourish and enjoy one another. It takes effort. It takes time. But it will be worth it.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Chick here to order Until Hope Returns.

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Shape Your Worries into Prayers

Vol. 21 No. 26 | July 1, 2019

I search for words, and You send these: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6,7, NIV)

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Philippians 4:6-7, The Message)

Do not be anxious about anything. Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray.

Right, no problem. But how do I do that exactly? My brain is full, my head is spinning, and my heart is restless.

Please, tell me, guide me.

Present your requests to God. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.

Thank you, God, here are my requests. One by one, I lay them out before You. I praise and thank You for life, health, family and friends, a home, food and clothing, freedom, love, and forgiveness. Please hear my concerns and give me wisdom, direction, protection, good health, joy, love, and forgiveness.

Please, assure me, guide me.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Thank You. I believe You, I will follow You.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Chick here to order Until Hope Returns.

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Stay in Your Lane, Bro

Vol. 21 No. 25 | June 24, 2019

One by one, they came to learn about Jesus, and one by one, He challenged them with an invitation: “Come. Follow me.” (John 1:35-51)

And one by one, they accepted.

Through times of confusion and clarity, doubt and faith, and fear and great courage, they followed the One who showed “abundant life” (John 10:10).

Some followed Him all the way to the cross, while others temporarily lost their way and distanced themselves.

Regardless, all of them were scrambling after His death, wondering, “now what.”

Peter, still reeling from denying the Lord, announced, “I’m going fishing.” And the others followed.

Side note: Most of us do this when we don’t know what to do; we go back to what we know and feels comfortable. I tend to pull out my journal, take a walk, or rearrange my study.

Their fishing endeavor proved unsuccessful until Jesus appeared on the shore. He revealed where the fish were and invited them to breakfast.

After the meal, Jesus engaged Peter in a momentous conversation about his future. Jesus assures him that in spite of his failures, he still has a very important role in the Kingdom.

Side note: This scene always reminds me of the many meaningful conversations our family has had sitting around the table during and after the meal.

Then Jesus repeated His invitation, except now it was a command: “Follow me.”

Peter looked around at another disciple Jesus loved and asked, “Master, what’s going to happen to him?”

I often do the same thing. As I try to live my life and fulfill my roles, I tend to look around and see what others are doing. Such comparisons are usually not very healthy or helpful, but I do it anyway. I have come to appreciate the advice from a former employer and the wisdom of a tattoo artist on a TV commercial, “Stay in your lane, bro!”

That’s basically what Jesus tells him: “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” (John 21:22)

You must follow me.

We can’t worry about what others do or don’t do, how they serve or don’t serve, what they have or don’t have. That’s not our job. Jesus will handle them. Our job is to follow Him.

John’s version of Jesus’s story ends with these words: “There are so many other things Jesus did. If they were all written down, each of them, one by one, I can’t imagine a world big enough to hold such a library of books.”

The invitation/command that the Lord gives us is the same as the one He gave His disciples:

You must follow me.

Those disciples (as recorded in the rest of the New Testament) became living examples of what is possible when we accept that simple challenge. And the story is amazing!

Regardless of who you are and what you do in your life, Jesus continues to extend the same invitation: Come and follow me.

Which lane will you choose?

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

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Now What?

Vol. 21 No. 24 | June 17, 2019

Reading through the gospels (the four New Testament books that tell the story of Jesus), I often find myself wondering what Jesus’s disciples were thinking as they watched Him bring a little girl back to life, or heal a blind man, or make a crippled man walk. What did they think when He rebelled against long- standing traditions, cultural norms, religious leaders, and keepers of the law. What were they thinking when He died on a cross.

They had to be constantly asking themselves, “Now what?”

Now what is He going to do or say to upset people? Now what will the authorities do to Him? Now that we have lost Him…what are supposed to do?

At the end of John, chapter nineteen, the disciples had either scattered in fear or watched as Jesus’s lifeless body was laid in a tomb. And then, chapter twenty opens with the shocking news that the tomb is empty and Jesus has risen from the dead.

Attempting to process what they’ve heard, His disciples gather together to try and figure out what to do next.

And then Jesus appears. He confirms who He is, breathes the Spirit into them, and answers their question…

Believe. Believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and in the act of believing, have real and eternal life in the way he personally revealed it…Believe. Believe and live. Believe and live like I’ve shown you how to live.”

We ask the same question, don’t we? Our children have left the nest. Now what? The cancer diagnosis is confirmed, now what? I’m pregnant, he left me, I lost my job…now what?

Jesus offers us the same answer that He gave His disciples:

“Believe. Believe and live. Believe and live like I’ve shown you how to live.”

Believing doesn’t mean we will no longer have problems, or the ones we have will suddenly disappear, or we will miraculously be transported to the land beyond.

Believing means that we realize we aren’t alone and that our troubles are temporary. Believing means that when the future is uncertain and failure seems inevitable, there is always a way out. Believing means that in the face of danger, we have the One who achieved the seemingly impossible by our sides.

Jesus will help us, not only to survive, but to thrive once again.

Can you do that? Can you believe?

This week, if you face another “now what” situation, remember to do what Jesus recommended:

Believe and live.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Chick here to order Until Hope Returns.

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It’s Done…complete

Vol. 21 No. 23 | June 10, 2019

A jug of sour wine was standing by. Someone put a sponge soaked with the wine on a javelin and lifted it to his mouth. After he took the wine, Jesus said, “It’s done . . . complete.” Bowing his head, he offered up his spirit. (John 19:29-30, The Message)

I cannot imagine how Jesus felt at that moment, to know He had accomplished what He’d come here to do and letting out a deep sigh, saying “It’s done…complete.”

I can only mildly relate to how He might of felt when I think of mowing my lawn back in the day- those hot humid summer afternoons, sweating through my shirt, my ankles covered with dust and blades of grass. I would shut the mower off, take a big drink of sweetened iced tea, looked around say, “It’s done…until next week.”

On a more profound level, I can remember how I felt when I finished high school- walking across the aisle to receive my diploma, shaking the superintendent’s hand, and celebrating with family and friends, thinking, “It’d done…now off to college.”

Then I finished my college degree, celebrated with my wife when she finished hers, and with our children when they reached comparable milestones. “It’d done…until the next big thing comes along.”

You’ve probably known a similar feeling- when you walked down the aisle, crossed the finish line of a race, held your baby for the first time, dropped her off at school for the first time. “It’d done…for now.”

This is one of the differences between Jesus’s words and ours…what comes after. For Him, it was “It’s done…complete.” With us, there’s always one more thing to do- another child to rear, project to complete…more milestones to pass.” But for Jesus, His work was done.

Paul, who wrote most of the books in the New Testament, said it like this:

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:6-8, NIV)

What enabled them to say these words? They could do so with confidence because they had lived fully, loved graciously, served willingly, and trusted wholeheartedly.

Our day will come too, if we follow their lead. I look forward to that day, when I can say I have completed my mission here. And hopefully, I will take one last deep breath and say, “It’s done . . . complete.”

What a day that will be!

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

______________

Chick here to order Until Hope Returns.

Subscribe @ A Norvell Note

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