Vol. 16 No. 39 | September 30, 2013

An old story is told of a man who was stranded on a deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper’s attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man.

After a while the sailor asks, “What are those three huts you have here?”

“Well, that’s my house there.”

“What’s that next hut?” asks the sailor.

“I built that hut to be my church.”

“What about the other hut?”

“Oh, that’s where I used to go to church.”

The story speaks a sad truth about our commitment to and the ability, or inability, to get along with the people in our local church.

There are other stories that have less humor in them.

There are stories about churches splitting, splintering, and dividing. There are stories of congregations that manage to stay together, but are far from united and harmonious.

There are stories of churches that are filled with loving, caring and compassionate people who love each other and enjoy a vibrant fellowship and are making a significant impact in their community. Then, unfortunately, there are stories of these same congregations who end up losing members and losing their effectiveness because of a few people who decide things are not going the way they think it should and began to sow discord. The harmony disappeared. The vibrant and encouraging conversations that once were turned into tense discussions are laced with suspicion. People took sides. Accusations were made. Barriers went up.

There are stories of men, women, and children who went to these churches seeking the Lord only to be overlooked by church members who became more concerned about survival, making a point, and winning an argument than seeking the lost.

It did not have to be that way. The Kingdom would be better served if we listened and applied this teaching of Jesus:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one — I in them and you in me — so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17:20-23)

Make Jesus’ prayer your prayer. “Father, I pray for those who will believe in Jesus through the message we share that all of us may be one, Father, just as we are in Him and He is in you.”

Tom

© Copyright 2013 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.

Vol. 16 No. 38 | September 23, 2013

Sometimes I like being ignored.

When I go to a new place and I am just looking around and checking things out…a hotel, a church, a business…I like to be able to move about where I choose and at my own pace. I like the freedom that being ignored allows. If I am in a coffee shop and I already have my coffee and I am doing my work, reading, or writing, I like the freedom that being ignored provides.

Father, help me give people the space they need, when they need it.

Sometimes I do not like being ignored.

When I go to a restaurant and do not get served as quickly as I think I should, I do not like being ignored. For instance, one time we were seated in a timely fashion and were handed a menu, but no one came to take our drink order, no one came to take our order, no one came to check on us. Numerous times servers passed by, looked at us as if to say, “I wonder who is waiting on those people?” to which my reply would have been had they stopped long enough to ask, “NO ONE IS WAITING ON US!”

I do not like to be ignored when I am in a store and cannot find what I am looking for. For instance, recently I went into a sporting goods store and went directly to the department where I needed to be. I could not find what I was looking for. I could not find anyone to help me. I did, however, come face to face with one employee (easily identifiable by the shirt and name tag he was wearing) who looked at me, smiled, and walked on as if to say, “You probably need some help, but I’m too busy making my way to the front of the store to stand around so people can see me.” I left the store thinking, “I do not like being ignored.”

I do not like being ignored when I am seeking employment. (No, I am not currently seeking employment, but there have been times in the past when I was.) For instance, in 1986 my wife and I traveled to a church in the eastern part of a state that begins with a “T” (not Tennessee) where we met with members of a search team, I preached, and we left. I have not heard from those folks yet. I guess they were not interested in us. If any of you folks from that church are reading this, I have a job now (thanks for asking). In a day like ours where there is an over-abundance of communication technology it only takes a moment to make a call or send an email stating, “Thank you for your interest, but we are continuing our search.” Or, “Thank you for your interest in our position, we have had some unexpected delays in the process. We will be getting in touch with you as soon as possible.”

Father, help me not get so busy, or act so busy, that it keeps people from asking me for help, or makes them feel that they are being ignored.

Sometimes being ignored is merely frustrating.

If I am trying to communicate something important to people I love and they ignore me, it frustrates me. When I am trying to conduct a meeting, initiate a discussion or start a class and people ignore me, it frustrates me. It is frustrating when someone calls me then puts me on hold, or when I am standing at a check-out station and the clerk answers a phone while I wait.

Father, help me not frustrate people by ignoring them when they are talking, and remind me not to leave a conversation I am having to answer my phone or reply to a text message.

I know in the big scheme of life this is pretty petty stuff. I have gotten over these times of being ignored (at least most of it…I do still sometimes wonder when I’ll hear from that church in the state that begins with at “T” and is not Tennessee), and I will get over it when it happens in the future. But, sometimes being ignored, or thinking I am being ignored, is more frustrating and inconvenient.

Sometimes the perception of being ignored by God really hurts.

It hurts when prayers seem to go unheard, not just unanswered. It hurts when God seems to be distant and uninterested in my needs. Jeremiah said, “Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer.” (Lamentations 3:8)

It hurts when I pray the same prayer over and over and over and get the same response: silence. Job said, “I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.” (Job 30:20) David said, “My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.” (Psalm 22:2)

In my heart I know He hears me. Deep in my soul I know He will answer in His time and in His way. David reminds me, “Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.” (Psalm 55:17)

I really do know that He cares about me. Again, David says, “I cry out to God Most High, to God, who vindicates me.” (Psalm 57:2) “Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you.” (Psalm 88:1)

Even though I know, sometimes it hurts to feel ignored by God.

Father, help me not stop “crying out” to You in my distress and in times of delight, even when it appears that You are not listening, when You seem to be responding slower than I prefer, or when I do not like the way You respond.

Sometimes I am the one who ignores.

Sometimes I am busier than I need to be and unintentionally ignore those who are nearest and dearest to me. Sometimes I am so focused on my own needs and desires that I ignore the needs of others around me. Sometimes I am just plain rude and ignore people because I do not want to be bothered. Sometimes I become so demanding and narrowly focused on the immediate that I fail to see and acknowledge (translated, ignore) all the things God does for me, and has done for me, often before I even ask. Sometimes I put God on “hold” while I attend to the important matters of my life.

Father, I am sorry. I want to do better.

Here is a challenge. This week when you begin to feel, “I am being ignored and I don’t like this!” stop and remind yourself that you are not the only person in the room, that there are other people in the store, and that the world really does not revolve around you. It is possible that someone has a more pressing need than you. God may already be doing something that you cannot see, something that is “more than you can ask or imagine.” And, do your best to pay attention to the person God puts in your path. They may be feeling, “I am being ignored and I don’t like this!” and you may be the person God wants to reassure them that they are not.

If you will try this for a week, I suspect you will feel much better about yourself, your relationship with God, and the people you come in contact with.

(ONE MORE THING: Thanks for not ignoring this A Norvell Note.)

Tom

© Copyright 2013 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.

Vol. 16 No. 37 | September 16, 2013

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.“Hebrews 13:5

In my counseling training I was advised to tell the client, especially in marriage counseling, to avoid the words “always” and “never.” “You always say…” “You never do…” Use of those words creates a no-win situation. If you think, say, or feel that a person “always” and/or “never” does a certain thing, there is not much room for grace, and not much for for hope.

Although there is significant wisdom in that teaching, I am glad our Lord was above my training.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I find hope. It gives me hope to know that no matter how afraid, confused, and forgotten I may feel, He is always with me.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I find peace. It gives me peace to know that no matter how how fragile, foolish, and flippant I may be toward Him, He will never leave me.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I find comfort. It gives me great comfort knowing that although others will die, depart, and deny me, God will never leave me.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I find joy. It gives me great joy when I ponder the fact that I do not have to worry how He may respond to me tomorrow because He will respond to me tomorrow the same way He responded to me yesterday and today. He did not leave me. He will not leave me.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I find strength. It gives me are new and a renewed strength when I consider that no matter how fearful I am, no matter how big of a failure I may be, and no matter how fatigued I may become, He will not leave me and he will not forsake me.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I find relief. Whew! What a relief I have when I accept the reality that no matter what, no matter where, and no matter why He will never leave me and He will never forsake me.

When I read, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” I realize you and I are extremely blessed because we never have to doubt where He is or how He feels about us. He tells us, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” He made a promise we can trust and a promise He will keep.

He will never leave us; never forsake us. Thank You Father.

Tom

© Copyright 2013 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.

Vol. 16 No. 36 | September 9, 2013

John chapter 13 ends and chapter 14 begins with a pretty emotional conversation between Jesus and His disciples. He has initiated a discussion revolving around His departure and reminding them that although He will be gone from them physically, He will still be with them and will be preparing for them to join Him at a later time.

Needless to say, His disciples are having a difficult time comprehending what He means about leaving, preparing a place, and knowing who He is and where He is going.

Peter says, “I’m going with you. I’ll die for you.”

He knows they are attached to Him and that their understanding is limited, so He tells them:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

They still don’t understand. Thomas speaks up.

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

Jesus assures them that they do know the way even if they don’t realize the know the way.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Philip chimes into the conversation in a way that reminds me of me when in verse 8 he said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will beenough for us.”

This is where I see myself. “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough.” But it is not. I want more. I want more explanation. I want more to be explained. I want more clarification. I want more time. I want more conversation. I want more evidence that everything is going to be okay. I want proof that He is working. I want clearer directions on what I am supposed to do and be and say. I may say, “That will be enough” but it seldom is enough.

Fortunately for me the conversation did not end there. In verse 16 Jesus said, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth.” Later He says this Spirit of truth will “be in me” (20-21) and will “teach me all things” (26) and give me “peace” (27).

I find comfort in knowing, even when I feel like I do not know, He is helping me. I find comfort in knowing that He is with me and in me, even when I cannot feel or see or sense Him. I find comfort in knowing that His peace is available to me, even when I do not feel His peace.

So, here is my prayer.

Father, when You show me who You are and who the Father is and when You promise me that Your Spirit will be with me, and in me, and teaching me, and helping me, and offering me peace, I want more. Even when I see You, I want more. Even when I feel You, I want more. Lord, I always want more. I feel like I should not want more, but I want more. Thank You for loving me even when I want more.

Tom

© Copyright 2013 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.

Vol. 16 No. 35 | September 2, 2013

You never know what lies behind the actions, words, or attitude of another human being unless somehow you are able to connect with them in a real and meaningful way. When we do not know we assume, we judge, and condemn. This story from Brennen Manning’s Abba’s Child illustrates it powerfully.

“Understanding triggers the compassion that makes forgiveness possible. Author Stephen Covey recalled an incident while riding the New York City subway one Sunday morning. The few passengers aboard were reading the newspaper or dozing. It was a quiet, almost somnolent ride through the bowels of the Big Apple. Covey was engrossed in reading when a man accompanied by several small children boarded at the next stop. In less than a minute, bedlam erupted. The kids ran up and down the aisle shouting, screaming, and wrestling with one another on the floor. Their father made no attempt to intervene.”“The elderly passengers shifted nervously. Stress became distress. Covey waited patiently. Surely the father would do something to restore order: a gentle word of correction, a stern command, some expression of paternal authority—anything. None was forthcoming. Frustration mounted. After an unduly generous pause, Covey turned to the father and said kindly, ‘Sir, perhaps you could restore order here by telling your children to come back and sit down.’ ‘I know I should do something,’ the man replied. ‘We just came from the hospital. Their mother died an hour ago. I just don’t know what to do.'” (Excerpt From: Manning, Brennan. Abba’s Child. NavPress, 2002. iBooks.)

Manning concludes the section with this statement: “The heartfelt compassion that hastens forgiveness matures when we discover where our enemy cries.”

Anything like that ever happen to you? A child is misbehaving, a teenager wearing baggy jeans that look like they might drop to the floor any second, the couple at the table next to you having an intense conversation that makes you and most of the other people in the restaurant uncomfortable, the clerk snaps at you when you ask a simple question, your spouse seems distant and irritable, or your child storms the table after spewing words that cut you to the core of your soul and breaks your heart.

Be very thoughtful with your next move. The life of the relationship depends on how you choose to respond.

You can assume the worst. “He’s such a jerk!” “She is so hateful!”

You can respond in kind. “You treat me like that and you’ll be sorry.” “Forget you!”

You can react with even worse words. “You ugly #%^*!” “You good-for-nothing lazy bum!”

There is another option.

When you are confronted with a person or a situation where your immediate and natural reaction or response is to judge, be critical or assume the absolute worst about the person, stop. Stop right there and consider that there is more to the story than you can possibly see. In time, you may be able to build a relationship with the person and learn the pain behind the defensive and non-trusting attitude. The guy did not start out like he is now. The woman did not plan for her life to be as painful as it is. The teenager did not wake up one morning say, “I am going be as mean, and selfish, and hard to get along with as I can possibly be for the rest of my life.’ Something happened.

As a follower of Jesus we do a great service when we take time to ask a few questions, not make a few assumptions, and move in as close as we can get to the person and listen to their story. It may take time (it usually does) to get close enough and show them that you can be trusted with their pain. It may never happen in some cases where the pain is so deep and so great. But, you will be transformed when you take the time, make the effort, and allow God to open your eyes to really see inside the person.

Something to keep in mind: Sometimes even when you know the back story, the guy is a jerk, she really is that hateful, and that couple actually is trying to manipulate you. That may be true. You cannot change who they are or the circumstances that made them the way they are. But, you can change how you think, feel, and respond to them. Some will not allow you inside their protective cover, but don’t stop hoping they will. If you push too hard they will run.

I am reminded of the people Jesus met who had been rejected by society. The woman at the well (John 4), the woman caught in adultery (John 8), the blind man (John 9), and others. Instead of joining the crowd and say, “You are worthless!” Jesus responded with gentle, loving words. Jesus started with forgiving eyes and tender touches. Jesus started by trying to understand the reason behind their cries.

You can do that too. You have His Spirit living in you. You have the opportunities to disarm an angry, hurting and broken man or woman or child or teenager who knows only pain, disappointment, and anger. You may be the one person God has placed in that person’s path to show them a different way. They may be the one person God has placed in your path to show you a different way.

Lead with love and compassion. Jesus did with you. Look what that has done in your life.

Tom

© Copyright 2013 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.