Vol. 20 No. 27 | July 2, 2018
Recovering from the Loss
It was two outs in the top of the 9th inning of the College World Series. The Arkansas Razorbacks were up 3-2 over the Oregon State Beavers. The Razorbacks needed one more strike and they would win the 2018 College World Series. The fans were calling the Hogs, ready to explode in celebration. The batter fouled the ball down the first base line. Everyone thought it was over. The First Baseman, Second Basemen, and Right Fielder were in position to make the catch and win the series.
Only they didn’t. There have been various explanations as to why they didn’t make the catch. The lights bothered them. No one called for it. There is no reason for blame. The look on the faces of the three players, the faces of the coaches and players in the dugout, and the faces of the thousands of fans expressed it all. My heart went out to the three players.
Oregon State went on to score two runs, take the lead, and win the game. They dominated the third and final game the next night to claim the championship. Stunned and dejected, Arkansas players and fans around the country silently watched as the Oregon State Beavers charged the field in unrestrained joy. Congratulations to the Oregon State players. You played well and are now the National Champions.
For the Arkansas players, you played well, too, and almost accomplished your goal. My heart broke with you and for you, and I wonder how you recover from a loss like that.
My short answer is I don’t know. My hope is that the coaches and players are surrounded by family and friends who love and encourage them, reminding them that, although it was a big game, it was game. In a game, someone will win and someone will lose. And then we have to move on to the next game.
I hope they are able to recognize that, although the pain is deep and difficult to bear right now, it is not the end. Small comfort, I know, but true.
Recovering from a loss, any loss, is difficult, so how do we do it? Even a small loss is a loss. It hurts. We experience loss on a daily basis. So I’ll offer a few simple suggestions for sports fans and others in the midst of coping with a loss.
Acknowledge it for what it is. You have lost something or someone. The person or thing was of great value to you and when it or they are gone…it hurts. Find someone who will listen to you express your feelings (a friend, a spouse, a counselor, a mentor).
I love these words from Michael Card:
“Don’t read me pointless poems, friend
Don’t diagnose, don’t condescend,
Though you may be right to disagree
I need someone to weep with me.”
(Michael Card, “I Will Not Walk Away”
from the The Hidden Face of God album)
Give yourself permission to grieve. The process of grief takes time and is necessary for your healing. Don’t rush it. Don’t avoid it. Don’t apologize for it. Grief is real and must be allowed to happen.
Give yourself time. It will take time. You will not pop out of bed the next day after a loss and be fine. You will want to be, but chances are, it will take more time than you want it to. Give yourself time.
Feel what you feel. Feelings and emotions are just that: feelings and emotions. Everyone has them. Don’t apologize for them, but don’t abuse people with them. Whatever you are feeling is okay. God can handle it.
Enjoy the progress. Eventually, you will feel better. I don’t know when, but one day you will realize that the pain is not as intense. You will still have those days when a wave of grief hits you, causing you to thrash around to regain your stamina. Try and prepare for anniversary dates, birthdays, special events and holiday seasons. But you will begin to feel better as the healing takes place.
In Luke 15, you can find three stories of loss and recovery. Take time this week to read and reflect on them, and let the Word be part of your healing.
And for the Razorback Nation…Woo Pig Sooie!
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