Vol. 16 No. 17 | April 29, 2013
What do you say to the man who, as he reflects on his long life and says, “Why did God bless me like He did?”
What do you say when you learn that a relative has inoperable cancer?
What do you say when you walk into your bosses office and he informs you that your position with the firm is being eliminated?
What do you say to the soldier when he returns home from the war and is haunted with the question of why he survived the attack but his buddies did not?
What do you say when the doctor tells you that she has your tests results and she would like for you to come to her office…and she suggests that your husband come with you?
What do you say when you learn that your wife has been having an affair for several months and she is not interested in working on your relationship?
What do you say when your best friend tells you that he and his wife are getting a divorce?
What do you say when your best friend reveals that the reason she has pulled away from you for the last several months is because she believes you betrayed her?
What do you say when your son tells you he is tired of living by your rules, is “taking off”, and really does not care what you think about his decision?
What do you say to the man who tells you he has messed up his life so completely that he feels he is better off dead?
What do you say to the woman who has been a “good and faithful servant” almost all of her life yet lives in fear everyday that she “has not done enough”?
What do you say to the young wife and mother as she walks away from the graveside of her husband faced with raising her children alone?
What do you say to man you have loved and admired for decades when he tells you that he tells you that he never feels that God is satisfied with his performance and that he does not think he can ever please Him?
What do you say to the teenage couple sitting in your living room confused, frightened, weeping because they have just learned
that she is pregnant?
What do you say after another natural or man-caused disaster and people ask over and over again, “Why did this happen”?
What do you say to these people? What can you say?
Questions. We have more questions than answers, don’t we? Some have answers. Some may not. Some we may attempt to answer only to realize we had no business trying to answer them. Some we understand and can relate to, others we have no concept of what the person is going through.
A couple of lessons from Job’s story may be helpful.
Don’t say anything. Just be with the person.
When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. (Job 2:11-13)
Sometimes the best answer is silence. It is still an answer. Unless you are confident you know for sure what God would tell the person, be quiet. Listen to them. Pray with them and for them. Allow them time to process the questions, the crisis, or the tragedy. There will be time to help them find answers, but for now don’t say anything.
Admit that you have no right to speak to such things.
Then Job answered the Lord: “I am unworthy — how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer — twice, but I will say no more.” (Job 40:3-5)Then Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:1-6)
For some reason we tend to think that life must be explained, that God must be explained, and we are responsible for coming up with the explanations. We tend to feel that God must be defended. We think God owes us an explanation. We sometimes assume that mystery is a bad thing.
The conversation between Job and God reminds us that God can handle His own defense, that He can explain His actions if He chooses to explain. Even when people are hurting, want answers, and look to us for answers, we as compassionate people naturally want to ease the suffering, but it still may be inappropriate for us to answer for God.
What do you say when life hits hard? What can you say? God may need you to speak, but unless you are absolutely sure, be content with being a silent presence.
Tom
© Copyright 2013 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.