Richard Rohr’s Week Twenty-Six: Holy Lament, The Universal Need to Grieve describes how grief isn’t rational in our culture: “As anyone who has experienced grief canattest, it isn’t rational. We really don’t know how to hurt! We simply don’t know what to do with our pain.”
We avoid grief. We deny grief. And we consider it unnatural and unnecessary. “We would much rather be angry than sad.” Rohr further defines grief as “unfinished hurt.” “We have to learn to remain open to our grief, to wait in patient expectation for what it has to teach us. When we close in too tightly around our sadness or grief, when we try to fix it, control it, or understand it, we only deny ourselves its lessons. “
Rohr’s article discusses grief as we deal with the death of a loved one, but we also experience grief from other losses. We might grieve over the loss of a friendship, the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, or the loss of a dream. In essence, we may be experiencing grief at any time.
So, how are you doing with your grief? If you ignore your grief, it will work against you. Grief must do its work. Don’t be afraid to grieve. Grief is good and good for you.
If I could offer one word of advice to every human being, it would be this: Listen.
Listen. Don’t prejudge.
Listen. Don’t tell your story.
Listen. Don’t try to top their story.
Listen. Don’t interrupt.
Listen. Don’t assume.
Listen.
Whoever has ears, let them hear. (Matthew 11:15)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20)
We live in an amazing world, and the Creator filled the earth with unimaginable beauty—unimaginable until we see it. There is so much to see, hear, and do. Our time here is limited, so we’re trying to take it all in.
Thanks to the hospitality of our son and daughter-in-law, we are experiencing beautiful sunsets, ocean views, golf courses, the colors and sounds of nature, quiet moments, and family moments filled with laughter and a few tears. Our time here is limited, so we’re trying to take it all in.
If we know that our time on earth is limited, it’s not always possible or necessary to travel 3700 miles to find everyday blessings from the Lord. If you ever have the opportunity, go. If we open our eyes and ears, we can see His face and hear His voice no matter where we are.
In the early morning, a bird often sits on the streetlight in front of our house or on the roof next door, singing to remind all who listen that this is the day the Lord has made.
Not long ago, I pulled my car over and stopped long enough to watch a mother deer love on her new spotted fawn.
While I was enjoying the sound of the waves and ocean breeze, two of our granddaughters were pretending to be on a grand adventure while climbing a tree. The combination of sights and sounds was a joyful noise to the Lord.
I know that my opportunities to play golf are limited. So, when I do get to play, I try not to be so serious about my score that I miss the beauty and peacefulness of my surroundings. That doesn’t always work, but I try.
Remembering that my time on earth is limited helps me develop a grateful heart and sustain an appreciation for the sights, sounds, and people God places in my daily path.
I know that life in the next world promises to be even more beautiful and spectacular than this present world and will make this world pale in comparison. That will be more than we can ask or imagine, but if we pay attention, so is this world. So, let’s not rush past all that God wants us to experience during our limited time here.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
The story of Bill Walton’s passing saddened me. For those who don’t know, he was an outstanding college and professional basketball who went on to be a very entertaining broadcaster. And from all accounts from those who knew him personally, he was a better person. “He loved life and was so full of life” is a standard description of how he lived his life. Walton always had a big smile on his face. He lived life to the fullest.
Long before Bill captured his first rebound or slammed his first dunk, he described his reason for coming to earth. He said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Jesus wanted us to live with gusto and enthusiasm. He didn’t want us to allow the Enemy to destroy our love for living and steal our joy for loving life and people. His desire for us was, and is, life to the full.
And yet, the Enemy still wants to steal, kill, and destroy everything good in life. He wants to steal your love for your neighbor. The Enemy wants to kill your effort to live a good life and be a good person. He wants to destroy your joy in enjoying a sunrise or a sunset, pausing to listen to the birds sing their songs of praise, or sitting quietly as your children or grandchildren tell you stories.
Don’t let him. Keep loving people. Keep enjoying a slower pace. Keep watching those sunrises and sunsets. Keep hitting repeat when you hear a favorite song. There’s so much to see and hear. Keep living life and live it to the fullest.
As my wife, nephew, and I sat at the table one morning last week, I remembered this story from my childhood. We lived about a quarter of a mile from my Aunt Eunice and Uncle Ruby’s grocery store. We often rode our bikes down the highway to get a soft drink (we said coke refers to any soft drink: Coke, Pepsi, Pop Kola, etc.), a candy bar, or something else, or to visit. Occasionally, as we started back home on hot summer days, we’d notice a rainstorm coming our way. Naturally, we wanted to get home before the rain hit. So, we’d try to outrun the rain.
With our legs pumping as fast as we could, we’d fly down the highway (it felt like we were flying). If lucky, we’d make it to our front porch just in time to sit, watch, and listen to the rain. We were not so fortunate sometimes, and the rain would catch us. We would sit on the porch until we dried off on those occasions.
I can almost see and hear the rain chasing us, feel the drops on my back, and smell it as it cooled the hot pavement.
Reliving those hot summer days has reminded me of many times since then I have tried to outrun the rain.
When I learned my mother was dying (probably about the same time as those bike rides), I wanted to outrun the rain.
When relationships turned in the wrong direction, I wanted to outrun the rain.
When work and ministry became discouraging, and I knew the end was near, I wished I could outrun the rain.
When we learned our granddaughter’s diagnosis, I tried with all my strength to outrun the rain.
All these years later, when I’m lonely, when work gets hard, people I love are struggling, and sickness, sadness, and death overwhelm me, I wish I could outrun the rain. I wish I could make it to the front porch to sit and wait until the rain passes.
That porch no longer exists, but rainstorms continue. And there is still a safe place to go when we want to outrun the rain.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:2)
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. (Psalm 62:8)
When life becomes a puzzle, take a moment to shift your gaze and turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When you watch or listen to the news of the day and get depressed, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When medical news is not good, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When you hate or lose your job, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When your spouse walks out on you, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When you are nearer the exit than the entrance, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When your sins pile high and guilt holds you captive, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When your strength is gone, and your desire to continue is fading, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
When life is good, and you’re on top of the world, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Turning your eyes upon Jesus won’t change the circumstances you are facing. It won’t fix whatever is wrong, but it can change your attitude and remind you that you are not alone. It might inspire you to keep trying and trusting Him to walk you through the struggle. So, turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls![1]
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4, NIV)
Psalm 56 expresses why David is regarded as an uncomplaining, meek dove, driven from his native home to wander in exile. He appears to be disturbed by both domestic and foreign foes. David appeals confidently to God, recites his complaints, and closes with joyful and assured anticipations of God’s continued help. [Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset, and David Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997), Ps 56:1–13.]
This short portion of the psalm consists of only thirty-one words but offers important insights on dealing with fear and unpleasant circumstances.
First, admit your fears. David states, “When I am afraid.” He does not say, “I’m not afraid, but if I were, this is how I would deal with it.” He says, “When I am afraid.” Can you admit your fear? Are you afraid for other people to know you are afraid? That could be a problem. Will you admit your fears?
Second, when you are afraid, trust God. Stay in His word and trust His word. Trust His promises. Trust His promise that you can trust Him. Read the stories of God’s faithful people. Examine the lives of people who trusted God. David. Moses. Abraham. Joshua and Caleb. Peter. Paul.
Third, do not be afraid. We have already commented on how David admits his fear, and sometimes we are afraid. When we are, we muster all our strength and courage and act courageously. We call these people heroes. Even heroes, when they are honest, will admit they were afraid. No one can hurt me.
Could you write a verse of a Psalm like David? Maybe not as poetic, but here’s my attempt:
Father, there are times when I am scared. At those times, I try to trust. I do trust you in my heart, but my actions sometimes betray my lack of trust.
When I get scared, I try to read my Bible more to remind me of Your faithfulness to those who trust You. That helps. Your words and Your stories remind me that I am not alone. Others have traveled this road before me. You provided them with strength and confidence. I believe You will do the same for me.
I will try not to be afraid. I will remind myself that You will protect me and that there is nothing another human can do to me that will separate me from You. I will remember what You said in Romans 8:
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This year’s Mangum Family Reunion was different. I’m not sure exactly what it was, but something was different. Maybe it was the absence of some who could not attend. Or perhaps it was the lingering reminder that life is fragile and can change quickly.
Even though something was different, some things were the same.
The gratitude for our family heritage was the same. Floyd and Agnes Mangum lived simple lives and left a legacy of faith, love of family, and a desire to improve the world.
The joy of seeing one another was the same.If we are fortunate, most of us see each other once a year. Our time is precious, so we try to make the most of it.
The sharing of memories and stories was the same. We retold stories we told the last time we were together, and we’ll retell them again the next time. I hope. Some stories are humorous, some are incredibly sad, but all remind us that we are family.
The sadness of saying goodbye is always the same. Time is too short. The conversations would go on for days if we had days. Remembering those no longer with us brings tears of sorrow and appreciation.
We remind each other that God gave us the blessing of our family, which is the same. By His design, we are here and who we are, and we will make every effort possible to gather again next year.
Today, we celebrate Junie’s 6th birthday. It was just under two years ago when we first learned of her cancer. For much of the following year, she experienced all the things that go along with cancer treatments, including loss of hair, loss of appetite, loss of weight, and regular episodes of nausea.
Each checkup and MRI brings anxiety, stress, fear, intense prayer, and cautious hope that she will be healthy and have clear scans. Last week, her latest scans were all clear.
Her 6th birthday party took place yesterday at a recreational Gymnastics and Tumbling facility. I watched Junie run, jump, flip, tumble, walk on a balance beam, eat pizza and cake, and open her presents with friends and family.
On the eve of her 6th birthday, my wife showed me a picture of Juniper Blue wrapped in my arms for the first time. My heart overflows with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that we could celebrate her 6th birthday.
Thank You, Father, for this beautiful and healthy six-year-old.
they were afraid. No one can hurt me.