A Norvell Note

Vol. 21 No. 20 | May 20, 2019

When our first child was small, someone gave us a parenting tip: whenever possible, prepare him for what he’s about to do or experience.

So, if we were going to the doctor and he might get a shot, we would explain to him that it might hurt for a bit, but he will be okay. And I would

Tell him he could squeeze my hand as hard as he needed to while it was happening. That usually worked well, at least I hope it did.

When we were going somewhere or doing something new, we tried to do the same thing. This is where we are going. This is who we will be seeing. This is how long we plan to be there. This is what we expect of you. If there is a problem or you feel uncomfortable, come to us and tell us.

None of us like to be surprised or caught off guard if we can avoid it. I think most of the time it can be avoided if we take the time to practice empathy and consider what someone might need.

When illness strikes and medical treatments are being addressed, the doctor wants the patient to know about any procedures, possible risks involved, and expected outcomes. And patients want to know they can trust the doctor to provide any additional information they want or need.

When I have the chance to counsel a couple before they get married, I try to help them understand what might lie ahead (as much as a dreamy-eyed man and women can). There are multiple assessment tools that can help spot potential problem areas and offer guidance to counter hot spots before they blow up. I also make sure they know there is someone who cares and someplace they can go for help if trouble does arise.

I even try to integrate this approach into my initial counseling sessions to avoid surprises that might disrupt my client’s progress. I explain what clients can expect from me and what I expect from them, such as the cost per session, time involved, and whether or not I think I’m the best person to help them.

That is what Jesus was doing with His disciples in John 16 as He prepared them for His imminent arrest and death.

All this I have told you so that you will not fall away…I have told you this so that when their time comes you will remember that I warned you about them…I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:1, 4, 33)

He didn’t want them to be caught off guard or lose hope and forget His promise to never leave them. And He wanted them to know that the sadness and disappointment they would experience would end in joy. Although this took a while to sink in, eventually His guidance and preparation paid off. (Read the book of Acts to learn more.)

His words of encouragement and preparation didn’t end with His disciples. He still wants to prepare us for times of struggle and disappointment. And He still wants us to know that joy will return, and He will be with us through it all.

I have no way of knowing what dark cloud may be moving in your direction, what heartache may be looming in the distance, or what bombshell might throw your world into chaos and confusion.

But He knows. And He will be with you through it all. You may not know He is there, or you may even refuse to acknowledge Him. But He is there, always, to stand by you, crawl with you, or carry you when you need it.

And you can squeeze His hand as hard as you want and know He will never let go.

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Tom Norvell’s Coaching & Counseling

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Vol. 21 No. 19 | May 13, 2019

Earlier this year, the gentleman who takes care of our lawn told me the trees along our back fence would eventually need to be trimmed. So when the time came, we set a date and then I didn’t think much more of it.

I got home right as his employee was finishing up, so I went out back to inspect his work. Apparently, the look on my face showed my surprise and disappointment because he immediately began apologizing.

I quietly expressed my frustration, but there was nothing else I could do. The work had been done. He assured me they would grow back and fill out quickly, even fuller than before.

These trees are important to us. They provide valuable shade as the sun sets in the west and also help buffer the sound of traffic coming from the road behind us.

Although his reassurance provided little consolation, it did remind me of an important lesson from the teachings of Jesus that both encourages and haunts me.

As His disciples were processing Jesus’s comments about His impending departure and the treatment He, and eventually they, would be subjected to, He assured them:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes (The Greek for he prunes also means he cleans.) so that it will be even more fruitful. (John 15:1-2)

I imagine the gardener (just like the landscaper) going through the vineyard examining each branch, gently trimming some and leaving others. I also imagine the plants watching carefully, feeling the gardener’s gentle but strong hands as he cuts each branch.

I imagine the plant weeping a bit when a branch is cut and falls to the ground. Then the gardener saying, “I understand this is a painful process. But it is only for a time. Because of what I am doing now, you will grow stronger and healthier and bear even more fruit than before.”

I am no gardener. I’m the guy who once completely destroyed a Mimosa tree. People marveled at my ability: “I didn’t know you could actually kill a Mimosa tree.” So, I have to trust the landscaper. He’s the expert.

There are times when our branches need to be trimmed so that we can grow stronger and healthier. It hurts. It’s unpleasant. We don’t like it or understand it at the time. But we have to trust that the master Gardener knows what He is doing. We have to trust that He loves us, knows us better than we know ourselves and is doing what’s best for us.

I check the trees on a daily basis, usually at sunset, to see if the landscaper’s prophecy is accurate. The process is slower than I prefer. But it reminds me that growth- real and meaningful growth- takes time.

I look forward to the day when the trees are full and beautiful again…fuller and more beautiful than before. Until then, I trust.

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Tom Norvell’s Counseling

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Vol. 21 No. 18 | May 6, 2019

“Don’t let this throw you. You trust God, don’t you?” (John 14:1, The Message) 

Those were the words Jesus shared with His disciples as He was preparing them for the changes to come.  

Let’s look at the statement in two parts.

Don’t let this throw you. Other translations say, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled.”

Jesus’s disciples had been following Him for the better part of three years, listening to Him teach. Now it was time for Him to show his love by encouraging them to not be thrown by His departure.

I smiled as I typed that because I know how many times I have said or heard similar words.

As a husband and father: “We’re moving to another city, a different neighborhood, a different school, a different church, and different community, but don’t let this throw you.”

As a church leader: “What I’m (we’re) suggesting is a major change in how we have thought about and done things, but don’t let this throw you.”

As a relationship counselor: “What I’m suggesting is going to take a lot of work and will not always be pleasant or easy, but don’t let this throw you.”

To myself: “This decision is going to change your whole world, but don’t let this throw you.”

A common response from the listener might be: “That’s easy for you to say!”…to which Jesus would respond, “You trust God, don’t you?”

Ouch!

But that’s the key, isn’t it? Trust. Real trust in the One who can be trusted. Confidence that He will do what He says He will do- send a guardian to comfort us, prepare a place for us, never leave us, provide us wisdom and insight to live the life we were created to live.

But change can be hard, even when we initiate it, and trusting God is not always easy. There are times when life hits us hard and we do get thrown or knocked off balance. Loss and grief do that to us. Health issues, financial upheavals, accidents, and disappointment does that to us.

But, these experiences don’t have to destroy us. That’s what Jesus was trying to get His disciples to understand and trust.

So if you find that your heart is troubled or you’ve been knocked off balance by one of these sneak attacks, take a deep breath (or two or three), admit where you are, get help if you need to, and then muster all your strength and say, “Yes, Lord I trust you. I know You are the way.”

And you just might hear a whisper, “Don’t let this throw you. I’m with you.”

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Tom Norvell’s Counseling

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Vol. 21 No. 17 | April 29, 2019

Our identity is important to us, isn’t it? We like to know who we are and where we belong?

We wear shirts and hats to identify as fans of our favorite sports teams. Organizations hire design teams to establish and promote their identity. People get tattoos to express their style or what they believe in, on and on.

Our identity is important to us.

As Jesus prepared to finish his time here, He wanted to give His followers  a philosophy to identify with as they carried on His mission.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35, NIV)

It is simple, no logo required. Just love each other. That’s it.

I’ve done my share of trying to distinguish the churches I’ve served from all the others. I’ve also spent time trying to find a creative way to stand out in the crowd. Some of it has helped, some of it has not.

Jesus’s words serve as a good reminder to me. If I want my family to be recognized as a family of God, we must love each other. If I want my church to be recognized as God’s church, we need to love each other. If I want my company to be recognized as a Godly company, then I need to develop an atmosphere where people love each other.

It’s simple, isn’t it?

So why do we have such a difficult time with it? Why do we find it so hard to, and why do we try so many other things to make it happen? Why can’t we love each other?

I suppose that’s why Jesus gave the instruction. It’s almost like He is saying, “If you miss everything else I’ve said and everything I’ve done remember this one thing: Just love each other.”

Even if we can’t control how others chose to live, we can choose how we do. We can define ourselves as agents of His Word and act with love and compassion.

This week, let’s make a commitment to approach each person we encounter with love. Let’s just start there and see what happens…

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Tom Norvell’s Counseling

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Vol. 21 No. 16 | April 22, 2019

A group of people went to one of Jesus’s disciples with a request. They wanted to see Jesus. That disciple told another and together they went to tell Jesus about the request. Jesus basically said, “Okay, it’s time. It’s time to show them who I am and why I am here.” And from that point on, Jesus spread the news about what was about to happen: He was on His way to the cross.

I find myself with the same desire: I want to see Jesus. So, I start looking around for Him.

I look to education to see Jesus. The education system provides knowledge for those who want to learn. There are good men and women doing their best to share their knowledge in hopes that students will make good decisions and become good people. So yes, sometimes I see Jesus in education.

I look to politics to see Jesus. Occasionally, I will see or hear a politician whose words sound similar to the teachings of Jesus. But most times, corruption of power and money tarnish the political system, making it hard to see Jesus.

I look to entertainment to see Jesus. There are stories that often reflect the compassion and gentleness of Jesus, and there are actresses and actors who will give God glory for their accomplishments. So yes, sometimes I can see Jesus in the entertainment industry.

I look to sports to see Jesus. I am grateful when I hear an athlete or coach speak of Jesus as their Savior and acknowledge the One who gave them the gift to do what they do. This still isn’t the norm, but I am glad to see Jesus is trending.

I look to nature to see Jesus and see Him everywhere- by the ocean, in the mountains, in a sunset or blue sky that provides the background to the trees swaying in the fresh spring breeze.

I look to these places and into these faces to see Jesus. Sometimes I am delightfully surprised and sometimes I walk away disappointed, so I repeat my request, “I want to see Jesus.”

And this is what I hear:

“Tom, I know you are always looking for me and trying to help others see Me and my Son Jesus, and for that I am grateful. But here’s what I want you to know: I want you and others to see Jesus in you. I want you to see Me in the words you write and others to see Me in your words. I want you to hear Me in the words you speak and others to hear Me in your words. I want you to hear Me when you have no words and others to hear Me in your quiet presence.

But Tom, more than anything, I want them to see Me in you. When you focus on that, when your goal is to allow Me to be clearly visible in your life, your actions, your words, and your love, you will begin to see me even more clearly in every aspect of your life. Will you do that?”

“Yes, Lord, I will. Because, more than anything, I want them to see Jesus in everything.”

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Tom Norvell’s Counseling

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Vol. 21 No. 15 | April 15, 2019

“Jesus wept.” John, 11:35.

When asked to recite or memorize a Bible verse in Sunday School, we immediately chose the shortest verse in the Bible- John, 11:35. But there is more to these two words than just being short and easy to remember.

When Jesus learns of His dear friend Lazarus’s death, He waits two days before going to visit Lazarus’s family. When He arrives, Lazarus’s grieving and disappointed sisters challenge Him, insisting He could have healed him if He’d come earlier. When Jesus sees the sisters and those who had gathered to support them “Jesus wept.”  

There are countless interpretations of why Jesus wept, but these are the three reasons I believe might have inspired His tears.

He wept because the people He loved were weeping. Jesus loved Lazarus and his sisters and knew they were heartbroken. He felt their loss and their pain and wanted to comfort them.

He wept because the people did not understand who He was. Despite the miracles Jesus had already performed, the prophesies about Him, and His efforts to explain His true identity, no one understood who He was and what He was capable of. He wanted them to know how much He loved them, and their lack of faith saddened Him.

He wept because He knew what was about to happen. He may have felt like we do when we know something extraordinary is about to happen to someone we love, but we can’t tell them. Maybe this is one of the reasons He wept. He was happy because the people He loved would soon know death is not the end.

Jesus wept then as we do now- when we are sad, confused, losing hope…or overcome with joy. Find comfort in that. As we move through this holy week of remembering and reflecting, weep when you need to, but remember, death is not the end.

He lives! 

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Vol. 21 No. 14 | April 8, 2019

In John, Chapter 10, as Jesus continues His journey toward the cross, He makes a point to remind us that we all need someone to watch over and protect us in times of trouble…that we all need a good shepherd.

Jesus identifies Himself as the good shepherd and explains to us what that means:

A good shepherd is someone who is willing to sacrifice for us.

Paul describes Jesus in a similar way in Philippians 2. “The welfare of the sheep is more important to the good shepherd than personal welfare.”

Do you have a good shepherd in your life, someone who would give up their time, energy, and money for you if you were going through a tough time? I shudder to think where my family and I would be without the shepherds God has sent to guide and protect us.

But this isn’t just about receiving, we must also be a good shepherd to those God places in our care- a son, daughter, friend, co-worker, or young couple from church. Where might they be in the years to come if you or I fail to walk alongside them? They may need our guidance and support just like we have needed it from others in the past.

A good shepherd is someone who knows us and allows us to know them. 

Do you have someone in your life who knows you, really knows you, as you do them? I mean, someone who knows the good stuff in your life as well as the bad. It could be someone you may not see face-to-face for months, or even years, but you are still able to pick up right where you left off. We need people like this, and we need to be this person for others.

But not everyone needs to know all the grisly details of our lives. We need only to share our stories with those we trust and connect with, who care about us enough to listen, as we do them. Inevitably, we will realize we are helping them as much as they are us. We can offer them reassurance that they aren’t the only one with a messy life…and that they too are strong and worthy of sharing their story.

We all need and are worthy of a good shepherd, and we all need to be a good shepherd to someone else. It’s really that simple. The truth is, when we realize someone is watching us, guiding us, we experience love, feel fulfilled, and our lives are simply better. And when we are watching and guiding others, we experience love, feel fulfilled…and our lives are simply better.

And if there is ever a moment when we forget this or feel alone, we must always remember…we have THE good shepherd who loves us, sacrificed for us, knows every intimate detail of our life, and wants us to know Him as well.

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Vol. 21 No. 13 | April 1, 2019

Before you read the next sentence, stop and close your eyes for thirty seconds.

What did you see? Maybe nothing? Perhaps total darkness?

Now, try to imagine that’s all you’ve ever seen, all you’ve ever known. As a child, when you heard someone ask you to look at something, you could turn your head toward the voice, but could see nothing. Decades would pass and you would never see a tree, or cloud, or the faces of those you loved most.

Then one day, someone comes to you, puts mud in your eyes, and tells you to go to a specific place and wash it out of your eyes. And when you do…you can see.  

People understandably question you about how this happened. But all you can say is that a man you don’t know cured your blindness.

The main concern for religious leaders of the time is that this miracle happened on the Sabbath. Doing any work on the Sabbath is against Jewish law. They downplay the miracle, ignore the opportunity to celebrate with him, and bring in your parents to demand an explanation.

Your parents try to explain that they don’t know how it happened. And all you can do is watch their faces like it’s the first time you’ve seen them…because it is. They continue to be interrogated, but you are distracted with trying to understand all the curious and beautiful things you see around you.

In frustration, the leaders demand an explanation from you, but all you can tell them is the truth: you know nothing more than, “I was blind…and I now see.” (John 9:25)

Sometimes our need to understand blinds us from the miracles of God that are in plain sight. In the process, we miss opportunities to celebrate His goodness.

There is a real possibility that in the next seven days something will happen to you or someone you know that can only be explained by, “All I know is it was God’s work!”

Let that be enough. It’s okay if you don’t know or understand the details. Just say what you know to be true. And when He is ready, if He thinks we need to know, God will make sure we see…

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Vol. 21 No. 12 | March 25, 2019 

John 8 opens with Jesus being incriminated by a group of opposing religious leaders. They were preparing to stone a woman caught in the act of adultery, using her as a reason to bring charges against him.

The chapter closes with those same leaders aiming their stones at Jesus instead. Jesus refused to bow down to their authority, continuing to claim He was the Son of God.

“That did it — pushed them over the edge. They picked up rocks to throw at him. But Jesus slipped away, getting out of the Temple.” (John 8:59, The Message)

There is an underlying message woven into these scenes, and the Scriptures as a whole, that is easy to “miss.”  

Don’t miss Him.

God wanted the man and woman to know, “I made you in my image. I am with you. I am for you. You are my crowning accomplishment. Don’t lose sight of me.”

Throughout the Old Testament, the message from the prophets to the people of Israel was the same, “I am with you. I will walk with you. I am Your Father and you are my people. Do not forget Me. Do not turn away from Me.”

And again in the New Testament: “God with us. I am with You. Don’t miss me.”

But they did miss Him. And we continue to make the same mistake today.

They missed Him when He showed compassion and mercy to the woman. And Jesus said to them, “You’re looking right at me and you don’t see me.” (John 8:19, The Message)

He later said, “Then he went over the same ground again. ‘I’m leaving and you are going to look for me, but you’re missing God in this and are headed for a dead end. There is no way you can come with me.’” (vs. 21)

Later he reiterated, “You’re tied down to the mundane; I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I’m living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this. You’re at a dead end. If you won’t believe I am who I say I am, you’re at the dead end of sins. You’re missing God in your lives.” (vss. 23-24)

This week, I encourage you to pay attention. Don’t miss Him.

Don’t allow your intellect, knowledge, doubts, or confusion to cloud your vision. Don’t miss him in the mundane, or when you are struggling, or even when you are experiencing joy.

Because when we fail to see Him, to follow Him, we are sure to arrive at a dead end. 

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Vol. 21 No. 11 | March 18, 2019

The tree outside my window that is just starting to show the first signs of renewal after a longer, barren winter. The brown grass in the surrounding fields is transitioning back to its rich, green color. And the birds that have been relatively silent for months are once again singing in full chorus.

It never ceases to amaze me how nature just knows when the time is right. There is nothing we can do to rush or delay the seasons- force flowers to bloom when the ground is too cold or coax animals out of hibernation before the time is right.

Nature just knows what to do when the time is right.

We too, have this gift that is as inherent in us as it is in nature. It’s starts in the womb- infants instinctively know when the time is right to come into the world, just as new mothers know what to do to care for them. 

And our instincts aren’t just restricted to physical aspects. If we allow ourselves to listen, truly listen, we will receive guidance on how and when to act (or not to) when the time is right- whether it’s the moment we realize our true calling or that deep sense of knowing when we have found our life partner.

Yet even though our instincts (or intuition) are natural doesn’t mean the process of trusting and action on them is easy…to the contrary.

No matter what phase of life we are in, knowing when it’s time to make a change or go in a different direction can be nerve-wracking. But actually taking the first steps in that new direction can be terrifying.

We have to relinquish our control, risk making mistakes, or worse, failing. We have to resist letting our insecurities and fears take the reigns. They will inevitably leave us paralyzed, stuck in the place we know we no longer belong.

But how do we know for sure? How do we know if we should trust our intuition?

When I find myself doubting myself- struggling with important decisions and anxious about taking action- I remember how Jesus responded when he was pushed to reveal his true identity.

“This isn’t my time. Don’t push me.” (John 2) “It’s not the right time.” (John 7) But later, He knew it was the right time.

On the final and climactic day of the Feast, Jesus took his stand. He cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says.” (He said this in regard to the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were about to receive. The Spirit had not yet been given because Jesus had not yet been glorified.) (John 7:37-38, The Message)

But how did He know?

I think the explanation is obvious, just as it is in nature.

He was listening. He was attuned to what the Father was telling Him and trusted He would know what to do when the time was right.

And He did.

He knew when it was time to speak, and He knew what to say and how to say it. He also knew His actions would lead Him to the cross…and He trusted this was all a part of God’s plan.

I don’t know who deserves credit for these words, but they describe the person I long to be:

“A spiritual person is a person who does the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, with the right spirit.”

I’m not there yet…but know I will be.

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