Vol. 17 No. 04 | January 27, 2014
A friend was describing the pain he feels for his teenage granddaughter who is having a tough time. Her mother, his daughter, is struggling to know how to help. He is struggling to know how to help her. During one conversation he told her, “I have been were you are. I know what it’s like to be where you are, but I don’t know what it’s like to be where I am.”
Maybe you can relate.
You are talking to a friend when you realize she is struggling with a problem that you have struggled with. You have been there. You have done that. But, you have never been where you are now – trying to help a friend deal with that same problem. You know what it’s like to be where she is, but you don’t know what it’s like to be where you are.
Your son and his wife, or your daughter and her husband announce that they are expecting a baby. They are excited. You are excited with them, for them, and for the fact that you are going to be grandparents. You remember what it was like when you and your spouse found out you were going to have a baby. You know what it is like to be excited out of your mind and scared out of your skin all at the same time. But how to encourage them, reassure them, support them, and celebrate that big event as their dad, or their mom? You know what it’s like to be where they are, but you don’t know what it’s like to be where you are.
Your father has gotten older and his health is failing. He needs round-the-clock care. He has always been independent and struggles with the newfound dependence on someone to get through the day. He is looking to you for help. You are trying. To prove you understand with his situation you tell him, “I understand being sick. I know what it’s like to be dependent on someone else to take care of you.” He nods in only semi-agreement. You understand helplessness but you do not understand what it’s like to care for an aging parent. You know what it’s like to be where he is, but you don’t know what it’s like to be where you are.
The situation is new. It is strange. It is way out of your comfort zone. It is not even within the same realm of possibility of where you thought you would be at this point in your life. Nothing is familiar. Nothing is easy. You have no instruction manual for where you are and what you are experiencing. You are learning as you go. At least, you hope you are learning something. You don’t know what it’s like to be where you are.
Life gets confusing. Circumstances change. Little ones grow up and have little ones. We are constantly being faced with new and challenging situations that keep us guessing, keep us questioning, and remind us that nothing stays the same. Perhaps our best, and maybe only, response when we pray is, “Lord, I don’t know what it’s like to be helpless.” “Lord, I don’t know what it’s like to be in need of help instead of being the helper.” “Lord, I know what it was like to be where I was, but I’m not there any more. I don’t know what it’s like to be where I am.”
Our loving Father responds to that kind of honesty with love, kindness, and compassion, “I know you don’t understand, but I do. I know you have never walked this path, but I have. Come near me and rest. Let me give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28-30) You are never beyond my reach. “Be still and know I am with you.” (Psalm 46:10)
I don’t know what it’s like to be where I am, but I know I am not alone. He is with me. He is always with me. For that I am thankful. Be assured, He is with You, too.
Tom
© Copyright 2014 Tom Norvell. All rights reserved.