Vol. 18 No. 30 | August 1, 2016
As you read these words let me ask that you think about a person who has hurt you. You may be thinking of a friend who has betrayed you by sharing something you told them in confidence. You may be the victim of verbal or physical or emotional abuse. You may be thinking of your spouse or one of your children who walked away from the family for a while and now is ready to come home. You may be thinking of a business partner who went behind your back on a deal that ended up costing you a great deal of money. Any one of these can be terribly painful and create havoc and heartache.
As difficult as the above scenarios may be, and I do not minimize the pain involved with any of them, in Scripture, especially in Paul’s writings there are things that happen that he emphasizes because of the broader and more widespread pain created by the offender. The letters Paul wrote to the church in Corinth deal specifically with an individual(s) who’s sin has and is having a negative effect, not just on individuals but on the collective body of Christ. In earlier writings he has given instruction on the importance of separating the disobedient individual from the fellowship. The process would be similar to that of removing a tumor from the physical body in order to protect the rest of the body.
With that as a backdrop I ask you now to think about a person within your spiritual community who has done something, said something, or acted in some way that is not in keeping with a follower of Jesus. The face of the individual appeared in your mind as you read those words. You remember how angry they became when they were confronted. You can still hear the poisonous words that spewed from their lips. You remember the tension that emerged when people chose sides. You remember how your leaders struggled to deal with them and keep peace in the body. You think of them every time you walk into the building and see the empty space where they usually sat. You grieve over the loss.
Then they came back. Apologetic and broken they are asking to be forgiven. How do you respond? How should you respond? Questions like that must have been what the Corinthians were asking Paul when he responded in 2 Corinthians. Here’s what he said:
5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, [WHY?] so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. (2 Corinthians 2:5-11, NIV)
From that response I find these truths that should help you as you deal with a person who has caused you grief.
First, there comes a time when the punishment you inflicted is sufficient. Parents you know that moment when you have punished your child and he comes to you with tears running down his face and say, “I’m saawwy, Mommy.” Your teenager comes to you after having broken curfew and hands you the keys to car. There may still be consequences to their actions, but you have done enough. The Lord has done good work in his heart.
Second, forgive and comfort her. The words “I forgive you” are tremendously important for her, and for you. She needs to hear them. You need to say them. Maybe you can follow-up with these words, “How can I help you now?” Paul shows that he knows there is a limit to the amount of sorrow and individual can take when he says, “…so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” It is easy to ignore this step and replace it with, “I will forgive you, but I will never forget what you have done.” It is true that you may not be able to fully forget the offense but you can stop reminding her.
Third, reaffirm your love for him. This is when your child crawls up in your lap and you hug him and kiss him and say, “I love you so much. There is nothing you can ever do that will change that.” The same sort of thing needs to happen with your friend. They won’t literally crawl up in your lap but in some manner you need to remind him, that there is nothing he can ever do that will cause you to stop loving him. The Message says it this way: “My counsel now is to pour on the love.” What a great way to say it!
Some of these words may have stirred up deep seeded emotions that you have had successfully buried. You pushed them down and had successfully ignored, until now. Now you are reminded that the anger, resentment, pain, sadness and heartache are still there. You smile and act like everything is “Fine. Just fine.” Maybe it is time to take things a little further with deal with them. I hope this helps.
Tom
A Norvell Note © Copyright 2016. Tom Norvell All Rights Reserved.