Vol. 20 No. 37 | September 10, 2018
Sometimes people get on my nerves, and sometimes they surprise me, both in good and bad ways. Sometimes they remind me of things I aspire to do, and sometimes of things I never want to. Sometimes people do amazingly kind things, and sometimes unbelievably hurtful ones.
Sometimes I am one of those people.
Some days I say to myself, “people are people”, sometimes, “people are amazing”, and …sometimes, “you can’t fix stupid”. Occasionally, I’ll quote the late Jim Morrison, “People are strange.” But in reality, after these profoundly astute observations, I simply move on with life.
One thing I’ve observed that makes moving on the most difficult is when we disappoint.
I said I would never act like that, and then I did. She said she’d keep what I told her between us. She didn’t. I made a commitment and didn’t follow through. He told me the car was fixed, and it wasn’t…on and on.
Being disappointed can be devastating. But one of the most destructive responses to being disappointed is anger.
Anger in itself is not bad. It’s how we deal with it that’s important.
So, when I disappoint myself or someone disappoints me, I remind myself of these words:
“Neither do I condemn you. Go on your way. From now on do not sin.”
“Forgive us our sins as we forgive others.”
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love others.”
“First, get the beam out of your own eye.”
Dallas Willard shared these words:
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus starts his discussion of life with a picture of the kingdom of God and the blessed life within that. And then he turns to street level and begins to look at where harm comes from in individual lives. The first thing he puts his finger on is anger and contempt (Matt. 5:21-26). If you could pull anger and contempt out of the world, you wouldn’t have an attack on the Twin Towers, or a Holocaust, or an Inquisition. Without anger and contempt, there simply isn’t the motivation to hurt people.
It’s important to remember this as we look at evil in the world and ask, “What am I going to do about it?” We each have to start with ourselves and our range of influence. We need to help others come to grips with the place of anger and desire in their lives. Anger comes from crossing someone’s will—interfering with someone’s desires. The general path of changing this, of getting rid of anger and contempt and keeping desire under control, is to surrender our will to God. That is to say, we have to turn our future, our present, and everything in our lives over to God’s care. This is the answer to the problem of evil. Even for those who have to go through cancer, losing loved ones, war, whatever it may be—the answer is surrender to the will of God.
[The Allure of Gentleness: Defending the Faith in the Manner of Jesus. Copyright @ 2015 by Dallas Willard. HarperCollins Publishers]
When people disappoint me, I do my best to remind myself that my best approach is to be a better version of me. Of course, there will still be times when I disappoint people and they will disappoint me. But I am trying to learn not to assume motive, immediately judge or condemn. Instead, I’m doing my best to lead with kindness and mercy.
So, if after reading these words, your initial response is, “I’m really disappointed with Tom”, I hope you will apply these thoughts of kindness and mercy toward me.
Have a blessed week.
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