I Think That’s Real Love

Vol. 21 No. 01 | January 7, 2019

A young man went to an older and wiser man and askes: “How do you know you really love someone? How does it feel when you really love someone?”

The older and wiser man looked at the young man, paused, pondered, and finally answered.

To young man’s great surprise, the older and wiser man started singing,

Some say, “Love. It is a river
That drowns the tender reed.”
Some say, “Love. It is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.”
Some say, “Love. It is a hunger,
An endless aching need.”
I say, “Love. It is a flower,
And you its only seed.”

Once they stopped laughing he said, some say love is a decision not a feeling.

Others would say love is a choice.

Then he said, someone has said you know you really love someone when you feel you are feeling a feeling you feel you’ve never felt before!

Needless to say, the young man is still very confused…maybe even before he asked the question.

Then, the older and wiser man spoke again and said, “Well, Jesus said this: ‘This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.’” (John 15:12-13, The Message)

The young man listened intently looking off into the distance.

Then the older and wiser man spoke again and said, “If you really love someone you will know what is best for that person, and you will do it, or become it, or help them do it.” Then, he paused and with a very serious tone said, “Even when it is painful for you and it’s not what you really want to do.”

After letting that thought sink in the younger man said, “Can you give me some examples?”

The older and wiser man said, “Well, remember when you were young and you and your little brother got into a fight because you both wanted the same toy and eventually, even though you wanted it really bad, you let your little brother have it. I think that is real love.”

He thought a little longer and said, “Remember when in high school and you and your best friend were trying out for the lead role in the school. You wanted it really bad, but it seemed mean so much to your friend that you withdrew and let him get the lead. I think that’s real love.” 

Then he said, “Do you remember when you were growing up and your Dad would get up early in the morning and head off the work, some days he came home late and tired, but he almost always made it to your games and special things you were involved in? And do you remember how your mother worked as well and still was able to be home for you when you needed her to be and did everything, she could to make sure you had anything you needed? I think that’s real love.

Then he said, “Think about this young lady you are in love with. What happens when the two you disagree with each other some big decision?”

The young questioner said, “Well, we talk about it. Consider all the options as best we can, then we make a decision on what is best for us as a couple, and that’s what we do even if it’s not necessarily what I want or she wants. We try to do what is best for us.”

The older and wiser man smiled and said, “I think that’s real love.” “And, if you are ready to keep doing…even when it really difficult, you will do well.”

Then, the older and wiser man said, “Jesus knew that we were all in need of a Savior, a way to live beyond our sinful human nature, so He came to earth, lived for a while and then went through all He went through with the limitations of a human, and finally died on a cross to free us from our sins. I think that is real love.”

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Love By Listening

Vol. 20 No. 52 | December 31, 2018

Sometimes being listened to is so much like being loved, it is impossible to tell the difference. (Barbara Pine)

I do not know who Barbara Pine is or the context of her words (I read them on sojo.net), but when I read them, I ask myself: If that is true how many people felt loved because I listened to them? If that is true how many opportunities did I miss to love someone by talking when I should have listened?

Images appear in my mind of conversations in which my desire to make sure my opinions were heard, prevented me from hearing the thoughts or, more importantly the feelings of the person in front of me.  

Conversations echo in my head where I was too busy or too occupied with my own interests to really listen.

I recall messages I received that I either failed to answer, or waited much too long to answer that may have indicated to the sender that I did not care.

I missed the chance to connect with some people because I was too lazy or so self-absorbed to take the time to reach out to them.

When I read Pine’s words I am also reminded of Jesus’ admonition:

Whoever has ears, let them hear. (Matthew 11:15, NIV)

And I recall the instruction from James:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20, NIV)

The words cause me to look back with regret, but also motivate me to be more conscious of my role as a listener. The words stir a desire within me to demonstrate my love for people by taking the time to listen…to really listen.

Someone you know may be needing to talk, and they may need you to listen. I hope you will.

You may need to talk and have someone really listen. I hope you will seek out a friend, a family member, or a professional counselor and talk.

Sometimes we just need to be loved by having someone listen to us. Sometimes we just need to love someone by listening.

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God is With Us

Vol. 20 No. 51 | December 24, 2018

Christmas arrives this year amidst political unrest and upheaval never seen before: threats of a government shutdown, military withdrawals, and an economy that is described as being on a downward spiral similar to what we experienced a decade ago.  

The weekend before Christmas was designated as “panic weekend” because it was too late for shoppers to order online and have their gifts delivered by Christmas. Shoppers were forced to flood the shops in a desperate attempt to find the perfect gifts for their loved ones.

On a less global scale, people are dealing with illness, death, unemployment, overcrowded calendars, frustrating travel disruptions, family tensions, struggling marriages, and failing relationships.

But with all of this around and within us, there also seems to exist an unusually strong sense of comfort and peace. We know that so much of what is happening is beyond our control. And we have faith that Someone greater than us is seeing and hearing the things that are troubling our hearts and meeting our needs at every turn, inviting us to stay near to Him.

So He offers us these words.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”[i]

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [ii]

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.[iii]

From what we’ve read in the scriptures describing the era when Jesus was born, the world was also in turmoil…maybe more so (although that’s difficult to imagine). And then, into that world came the One who offered peace and rest to all who would come to Him and rely on Him.

That offer still stands.

May you and your loved ones enjoy a time of rest and peace inspired by the words of Immanuel.

God is with us.

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[i] John 16:33, New International Version

[ii] Matthew 11:28-30, New International Version

[iii] Philippians 4:8-9, New International Version

The weekend before Christmas was designated as “panic weekend” because it was too late for shoppers to order online to have it delivered by Christmas. Thus, shoppers were expected to flood the marketplace in a desperate attempt to find the perfect gift.

On a less global scale people are dealing with illness, death, unemployment, overcrowded calendars, frustrating travel disruptions, family tensions, struggling marriages, and failed or failing relationships.

With all this swirling around and within us there also seems to exist an unusually strong sense of comfort and peace because we know that so much of what is happening is beyond our control, and that Someone greater than you or I is aware of what is going on, seeing and hearing the things that are troubling our hearts, meeting our needs at every turn, and inviting us to stay near to Him.

So, He offers us these words.

       “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”[i]

       “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” [ii]

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.[iii]

When Jesus was born the world was also in turmoil…maybe more so than what we are experiencing today (although that is difficult to imagine). Into that world came the One who offered peace and rest to all who would come to Him.

That offer still stands.

May you and your loved ones enjoy a time of rest and peace that passes understanding because of Immanuel. God is with us.

____________

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[i] John 16:33, New International Version

[ii] Matthew 11:28-30, New International Version

[iii] Philippians 4:8-9, New International Version

Things I Take for Granted

Vol. 20 No. 50 | December 17, 2018a

When I take the time to consider how abundantly blessed and privileged I am, I realize there are many things I often take for granted.

When I open my eyes in the morning, I can see.

When I flip a switch, the light will come on.

When I turn on the faucet, clean water will come out.

When I open the refrigerator, there is food for me to eat.

If my coffee pot doesn’t work in the morning, I can stop and get a cup on my to work at one of the excellent coffee shops on my way to work.

My car will start each time I get in it.

I am able to live in a nice, safe neighborhood.

I am not discriminated against because of the color of my skin.

If I’m sick, I have good, reliable healthcare.

That I, my spouse, and my children received and benefited from a quality education.

I have many friends who love me and are willing to help me in any way they can when I ask them.

That I had parents and a family who loved me and taught me about the love of God.

That God loves me so much, He sent His only son to experience the fullness of human life, die on the cross, and return from the dead so I could live a rich life and be forgiven for my sins.

As we search for the perfect gifts for the people in our lives, may we all remember how blessed we are and spend a few moments thanking God for all the things we take for granted.

It is the season of giving, so enjoy all that He has given you.

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Remembering

Vol. 20 No. 49 | December 10, 2018 

On Decembereight, 54 years ago on the day of writing, mama lost her battle with cancer,but won her ultimate victory over death. She was forty-four. I was eleven.

There were no photographers recording the events of that day. There were no news stories reporting her death. There is no video I can watch to recall that day and the days leading up to it.

We knew the day was coming, at least intellectually. But I certainly didn’t understand how I would feel when the day came. I had never done well being away from my mom for even a short period of time.

My memories of that day have always been vague. At some point before, my Dad took my older brother and I to see her at the hospital so she could tell us she was dying. I remember crying as we left the hospital, but I don’t remember what happened next or how many days that was before she died.

When the day came, I remember seeing my sister and brother-in-law’s car parked outside my aunt and uncle’s store and getting off the bus to go see them. I had no idea that instead of sitting and enjoying my usual coke and candy bar, I would be asked to sit down in one of the chairs in the front part of the store and hear the news that Mama had died.

I remember leaving the store and going to our house. I remember getting out of the car and my uncle putting his arm around my shoulders, walking me out to the big oak tree in our front yard, and saying, “Son, it’s okay to cry. Just let it out.”

And with his arms around me, I did. I don’t know how long we stood there, but I remember him saying at some point, “This is going to be really hard for your grandmother, so when we go in there be as strong as you can…for her.” I don’t remember if I was. In fact, I don’t remember much after that, except a foggy image of an endless line of people streaming by her casket two days later.

I can remember how kind my math teacher was when it came time for report cards and the kindness of our neighbors and my parents’ friends who brought food to our house. I remember hearing people say what a good woman my mom was and why they felt that way about her. I remember how difficult it was for my dad, who suddenly had to take care of three boys on his own. And I vaguely remember thinking how much my sister, who had a baby of her own, would miss her.

Sometimes it haunts me that I can’t remember more details about my mom, that day, or period of my life. I’ve depended on my brothers and sister to help fill in the gaps. But I can’t even remember much of what they’ve shared, other than how good it is when we are together sharing memories.

But overall, the essence of my memories about my mom is the example she set by the way she lived her life. And I’m so grateful that my family is doing our best to continue that heritage of faith for our children and grand-children (five who happen to be my beautiful granddaughters). I remind myself how God has sustained me for these last 54 years by providing multiple substitute mothers for me.

There are countless times I’ve wished I could have a conversation with my mom. But I quickly remind myself that having a conversation with her is nothing compared to her being free of pain and with the Lord.

Let this season be a time to remember the people you’ve loved and those who have loved you. I hope those memories bring thoughts of joy, peace, and love.

And most importantly, remember to express your love to those who are still with you.

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Simple Pleasures

Vol. 20 No. 48 | December 3, 20 

A really good cup of coffee…and time to enjoy it.

A quiet meal with your spouse in a nice restaurant.

A peaceful drive through the hills on a clear autumn day.

Taking a moment to enjoy the sunset or sunrise.

Having a relaxed breakfast with your children and grandchildren.

An honest, heartfelt conversation about life’s highs and lows.

Watching your favorite team win a game.

Catching up with a friend you’ve not heard from in a while.

Finishing the workweek knowing you’ve done your job well.

Sleeping in. 

Walking through the neighborhood at twilight.

Participating in a spirited, meaningful worship experience.

These are a few simple pleasures that make my life more enjoyable. Even when life gets overwhelmingly busy, I try to include at least one of these blessings into my day or week.

And, I try to remember the wisdom of these words:

And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.  (Italics mine) (1 Thessalonians 4:10-12, NIV)

I encourage you to make your own list of simple pleasures (or borrow some of mine).

And, please, give yourself the gift of making time to enjoy them.

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The Season of Thanks and Giving

Vol. 20 No. 47 | November 26, 2018T

Andy Williams sings, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!”

But is it really?

The hustle andbustle, that used to be limited to a few days before Christmas, now includesalmost the entire fall season. We dash through the gatherings on ThanksgivingDay, straight to Black Friday, Shop Small Saturday, and Cyber Monday. Next we become consumed with year-end projects, holiday parties, and buying and wrapping gifts. All of the sudden, we are in the haste of starting a new year.

If we are not careful, we will miss the fact that we truly are in the middle of the season of thanks and giving. This season really could be the most wonderful time…if we actually take the time to make it so.

Let me offer a few suggestions of what I’m going to do to enhance this season of thanks and giving.

Intentionally slow down. Sometimes, when I find myself in hurry mode, this statement comes to mind:

It is refreshing, and salutary, to study the poise and quietness of Christ. His task and responsibility might well have driven a man out of his mind. But He was never in a hurry, never impressed by numbers, never a slave of the clock.” –  J. B. Phillips

That was not by accident. He intentionally lived that way. I think we can too, if we make an honest effort to slow down.

Consciously and consistently be thankful. Start a new habit of being grateful. Not in some robotic manner of mindlessly saying “Thank you,” but genuinely be grateful and express it. Look for reasons to be thankful. Slow down and look at a sunset, listen to nice music, or reflect on the Scripture you’re reading. Slow down and be present with the person you are with.

Deliberately be generous.If you don’t want to give cash to the woman on the corner, keep a bottleof water in your car and offer her that. If your closet is full of clothes youno longer wear, give them to someone who can. If your children have outgrowntheir clothes or toys, clean them up and give them to someone who will enjoy them.Give yourself to people- your words, your kindness, and your time.

These are three simple and practical ways we can move through this season and end up on the other side feeling good about what we’ve done. Slow down, be thankful and generous. None of the three will automatically happen. We will need to be intentional, conscious, and deliberate about our decisions. If we do these three things, not only will we feel better about ourselves, we will give someone else a reason to be thankful.

Enjoy this season of thanks and giving.  

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Lead with Gentleness

Vol. 20 No. 46 | November 19, 2018


 I keep coming back to these words:

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5)

Eugene Peterson phrased it a little differently:

“Make it as clear as possible to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them not against them.”

Maybe it’s the political climate. Maybe it’s what I see during my brief jaunts into the social media world. Maybe it’s the increasing number of churches that appear to be more focused on numbers and building a public image than the people they serve. Maybe it’s how I see some parents deal with their children during my visits to the grocery store.

Whatever the reason, the words continue to play in my head:

“Let your gentleness be evident to all, the Lord is near.”

The words remind me that in a political climate where destroying the opponent is the priority, I must lead with gentleness. I must convey to people that, although we might disagree, I am not working against them. I am on their side.

In the culture of religion, I must lead with a gentleness that demonstrates, beyond any doubt, that the person in front of me matters more than anything else. What is happening in his life is what’s important. The concerns of her heart deserve my full attention.

In a society where parents are overwhelmed, overbooked, overworked, and overstressed, I can be a voice of gentleness that says, “You are not alone. God is aware of everything you are experiencing.”

In a corporate world where profit is the top, middle, and bottom line, people must reemerge as the greatest of all treasures and should be treated as such.

I am not so naïve to think that leading with gentleness will be an overnight solution to all dysfunctional families, misguided churches, power-hungry governments, and businesses focused on the power of the dollar. But I do believe that it might help the members of my family, the women and men with whom I work and worship, and mothers, dads, husbands, wives, and children with whom I interact on a daily basis.

So, I suppose the reason these words keep coming back to me is the Lord is saying: “I am near, Tom, let your gentleness be evident to all.”

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Respect, Humility and Kindness: A Better and Different Way

Vol. 20 No. 45 | November 12, 2018

In light of the major news events demanding our attention, words like respect, humility, and kindness tend to be tossed into the pile of discarded human qualities labeled“Naïve and Childish.” I get that.

In an age when trying to follow the lifestyle of Jesus- practicing humility, gentleness, and tolerance- is often overshadowed and ignored by a world that glorifies ego, self-righteousness, and power. That’s the way the world works and always has. I realize that.

Yes, I get just as angry, frustrated, and disappointed as anyone with what I see in the news and social media.

However, as a participant in and observer of life events, major and minor, I believe it’s time (and way overdue) for us to do our part to reverse this trend. Not by marching and shouting in protest. Not by angrily demanding our rights. Not by refusing to participate or declaring the world unfair. Not by name-calling, labeling, and making hateful accusations.

There is a different way.

The Old Testament prophet said:

“The arrogance of man will be brought low and human pride humbled; the Lord alone will be exalted in that day,” (Isaiah 2:17, NIV)

Jesus said:

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29, NIV)

Paul said:

“Show respect to everyone.” (1 Peter 2:17, NIV)

Paul described Jesus:

“And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:8, NIV)

James said:

“Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:10, NIV)

Tim McGraw said: always be “Humble and Kind.”

It must be confusing for children, who are taught to be kind and respect others, to see and hear the complete opposite from leaders in politics, sports, religion, and the entertainment industry.

There is a different and better way.

Demanding that other people set the example is not the solution. The solution is for us, followers of Jesus, to show that we believe His way is the best way and live like we believe it.

It is our duty and obligation to go through our days humble, kind, and showing respect to everyone. Our children and their children, neighbors, and friends are depending on us to show them…

We can live a better and different way.

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